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After The Abuse and Assault - Reclaiming Your Life, One Safe Step at a Time

Rebuilding Her · A Rebuilding Men Blog Series

If you are in immediate danger right now, please call 112 (Nigeria's national emergency number) or the Lagos State DSVRT: 0800 033 3333. This guide is not a substitute for emergency help.

After The Abuse and Assault

Reclaiming Your Life, One Safe Step at a Time

After The Abuse and Assault - Book Cover

By Daniel Egbunu

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You are reading this because something happened to you that should never have happened.

Maybe you left many years ago. Maybe it has only been a few weeks. Maybe you are still deciding. Whatever your timeline is, what you are feeling right now — the fear, the numbness, the guilt that makes no sense but sits in your chest anyway — is a normal response to an abnormal situation.

You are not broken. You are responding exactly the way a human being responds to harm.

This guide was written to walk with you through what comes next.

Before anything else, an honest word about what this guide is and isn't:

This is not legal advice, and it will not tell you how to file for custody or press charges — for that, it points you toward FIDA Nigeria and the Legal Aid Council of Nigeria, who exist for exactly this.

What it will do is walk with you psychologically and emotionally, at your own pace, for as long as it takes. There is no artificial 7-day countdown here. Healing does not work on a deadline, and this guide will not pretend otherwise.

What's Inside

  • The Three Truths Exercise A gentle 15-20 minute starting exercise that separates what actually happened from what you were told to believe about yourself — completed before you read anything else. Introduction
  • The Naming Worksheet A private worksheet for calling what happened by its honest name, without needing to explain or justify it to anyone. Chapter 1
  • The 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Practice A body-based tool for the moments your nervous system reacts to danger that has already passed. Chapter 2
  • The Truth Card A tool for telling his voice and your own apart — and a written counter-truth to hold onto when the old lies get loud. Chapter 3
  • The Daily Safety Anchor Card A ten-minute morning practice for teaching your body, slowly and repeatedly, that this moment is actually safe. Chapter 4
  • A Small Ritual for Mourning Honest permission and a private ritual for grieving a marriage that hurt you — grief with no funeral, and no one telling you it's allowed, until now. Chapter 5
  • The Support Map & The Guilt Separator Tools for the specific weight of raising children largely alone — and separating guilt from the truth of what actually happened. Chapter 6
  • The Five Questions Worksheet Honest questions for finding out who you are now, once survival mode has settled enough to ask. Chapter 7
  • The Four Ground Areas Assessment A practical tool for rebuilding financial, emotional, social, and purpose-driven ground — one small step at a time, not a five-year plan. Chapter 8

A Word From Daniel

In the past several months, I've had the privilege of sitting with women across Nigeria and the diaspora who left marriages marked by abuse — not infidelity, but violence, control, and cultural and legal systems that too often left them carrying everything alone.

This guide came directly out of those conversations. Every tool in it was shaped by what these women actually needed, not by theory borrowed from somewhere else.

I wrote it to walk beside you, honestly, for exactly as long as you need — no false timelines, no promise that the pain simply disappears. Just real language for what happened, and real tools for what comes next.

Investment

One-time payment. Instant download. No subscription.

N7,000

Includes the full guide, all workable tools, and the resource list.

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Not satisfied? Email rebuildingher@gmail.com for a full refund. No questions asked.

A Few Honest Questions

Is this a replacement for therapy?

No. This guide is educational and personal development material. If you are working with a therapist or counsellor, this can sit alongside that work. If you are not and feel you need one, this guide will not replace that support.

Will this help me with custody or legal action against him?

No, and it will not pretend to. For legal support, the guide points you directly to FIDA Nigeria and the Legal Aid Council of Nigeria, both of which offer free legal aid for exactly these situations.

How long does this take to work through?

However long you need. There is no 7-day structure here. Some women move through it in a month. Others take a year. Both are correct.

What if I'm still in the relationship, or only just left?

This guide assumes you are past the point of immediate danger. If you are not safe right now, please use the emergency resources at the top of this page before anything else.

Is there a companion guide?

Choosing Yourself Again, written for the specific season of rebuilding identity and a fulfilling life as a single mother, is available separately and referenced inside this guide.

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